i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
