I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
