You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
