4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who died my cat blue again?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
