Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
