Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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