I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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