i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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