Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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