Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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