I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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