so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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