We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
