i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
