dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I looked at my own cervix.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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