Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
