And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
