My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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