so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
