just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
