I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
