Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
