I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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