Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
