So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
