You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
