I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
