Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
