Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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