3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
