as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
