Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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