I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
