I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
