You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your penis caused this!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
