can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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