they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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