As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
