its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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