He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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