hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
