One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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