dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
