thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
