Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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