ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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