you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
