you guys were way drunker than both of me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
