If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
