Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
