i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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