just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
